A BEER DRINKER'S TROUBLESHOOTING MANUAL

Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction; beer is unusually pale and clear.

Fault: Glass empty

Action: Find someone to buy you another beer

Fault: Mouth not open when drinking OR glass applied to wrong part of face

Action: Buy another beer and practise in front of mirror; drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique!

Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle

Action: Turn glass other way so that *open* end points towards ceiling!

Fault: Improper bladder control

Action: Go and stand next to nearest dog; after a while, complain loudly to owner about lack of house training and

demand a beer as compensation!

Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass

Action: Find someone to buy you another beer

Fault: Excessive air turbulence, probably due to air-hockey game in progress in bar

Action: Insert broomhandle down back of shirt.

Fault: You are being carried out.

Action: Find out if you are simply being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.

Fault: You have fallen over backwards

Action: If your glass is full -- and no one is standing on your drinking arm -- stay put and carry on. If not, get

someone to help you up; attach self to bar.

Fault: You have fallen forwards

Action: See above

Fault: The pub is closed

Action: Panic!!!

Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter

Action: Check your watch to see if the pubs are open yet; if not, treat yourself to a sleep-in!

Tillbaka